Now What?

It seems I have been able to cram having 2 children and a high maintenance husband and studying an intensive course into everyday life.  I am drained and exhausted but oh so slightly smug. 

The last few weeks leading up to to our final exhibition and hand in date were a blur. I don't know what happened or how i managed it but come the Thursday morning of the exhibition I was happy relaxed and quite emotional. We have all become great friends and an essential support network and the thought of our weekly routine changing scares me slightly. What excuse am I going to have for sitting in Starbucks for an hour in the morning? 

In terms of the work we have all achieved it really is incredible. We or I have said from the beginning it is no longer a learning curve but a whacking great big learning CLIFF. But having reached the top and survived tells my inner self the I can achieve anything and I am not just a dumb mummy. 

In reality i am sure i only managed to squeeze 20 hours a week (60 hours recommended!) to study which involved a massive amount of procrastinating and online distracting(shopping). We have been tuned to be money making, garden designing landscape legends and the whole ethos of "time is money" tells me I should be able to turn anything around in a very short space of time! 

I developed a very soothing mantra of "it'll have to do" It has taught me to be less critical and more objective. My work is saleable and i am pretty pleased with the outcome. It is quite something laying your work out for all to see but I stood back and watched people gathering to look at all our work with looks of pleasant surprise as opposed to the imagined disgust.

I said to a couple of my college colleagues that  we are our own worst critics and the "joe public" will not see our mistakes. And it seems it worked! Shame Joe Public isn't DH our mentor/tutor/principal/slave driver/evil nasty master (chose according to mood) who most definitely can spot our mistakes like a huge gapping hole in the head. Oh well! I did manage to scrape through and never once said I regretted it. 

But the massive turn of events is that my wonderful big brother has been inspired and will start the very same course in september. I am so excited to not only help but to actually be of some inspiration to him. He has been mine for as long as i can remember. (except when he hung me out of a second floor window at the age of 8!) We will make a fantastic team and cant wait for the next chapter to begin. 

Now if i can get my newly retired draughtsman daddy to take up vectorworks and do my construction drawings we'll have the lot in the bag!!

Roll on the new chapter.

How do you juggle it all?

I sometimes sit and ask myself this very question. I think it has been an evolution of events. It's not often I start something and actually manage to complete it. I get bored quite easily and if I am not challenged then I give up. "What's the point?" I say.

There have been only a handful of things that have pushed me enough to succeed. Horses...my sanctuary and head-space. Racing cars....my ultimate adrenalin inducing red-mist veiling fun. My children....constantly changing every day and astounding me with knowledge and intelligence. (all my DNA obviously!) and now it seems I have my biggest challenge of all, Studying.

I have spent the last few years feeling quite insignificant. Motherhood does that to you sometimes. It's a career that is not totally acknowledged by some as valuable and worthy. It's the hardest job you'll ever do. You don't have a day off and you certainly don't get sick leave. So after 7 years of supporting darling husband's blossoming career and giving my all to house/kids/animals I felt the need to get Me back. I want my girls to grow up and be confident to make a choice and go for it. I think you should never compromise yourself and if you are happy then the people around you will be to.

So a normal week for me? Where do you start? Sunday night probably the most stressful for me. Kids need to sleep not to be ratty all week. So, early bed time and then I start the week of planning the logistics of it all. School runs in the morning and then in the afternoon. Who is getting who and what time they need to be there. What kit for which club and letters and homework for which child's teacher. Then it's a case of what meals for what night and who will be home at what time to eat what and when? OK? keeping up? Monday speech and drama DD1 and swimming for DD2. Tuesday is Choir DD1 and nursery DD2. Wednesday is Piano DD1 and nursery again for poor little DD2! In between this I have about 20 hours of college work to squeeze into the space of about 8 hours. No Problemo.

Well then we are into the Thursday and Friday lecture days. I not only have to remember my kit and notes and homework I also have to remember that I need to eat too. Thursday is swimming for DD1 and then Yoga after school. Must remember to wash kit for friday swimming again!.

OK what else do I have to remember? Animals......dogs, cat, hamster, pony.

Done.

I am struggling to hold a normal conversation with most people and find myself drifting off half way through a sentence.....what was I saying? My brain is starting to kick in again. It's taken nearly 3 months of this. I am hoping my friends will still be understanding in 6 months time when I come out of this the other side and talented (haha) Garden Designer.

In all of this organised chaos I get asked on a rare Saturday morning when Darling husband is actually around "What shall I dress them in? Where are the boots for pony club? What does she need? Where are my car keys? What have you done with my briefcase? What shall I give them for breakfast?...it's never ending!" Why ask me? I will have to think just the same way you do! Why can't I just switch my brain off the minute I walk in the door? It's not fair!

I am very proud of myself actually. I managed to get a reasonable grade for my first project. I was very pleased with it and I know I can do better. I am not just a housewife anymore. I am me again. I can achieve what I set out to do and in all of this my girls can turn around and be proud of Mummy. And when someone asks "So what do you?" I don't just mumble and try to justify why I'm just a housewife.

Had I not had my essential training of the last 7 years I would not be able to juggle everything. So my heart and thoughts go out to all the housewives/husbands that feel like they aren't realising their full potential...Just look at it as essential training for your ultimate project.

And to my Darling Husband.. You'll be proud of me too just like I am of you.

Now off to do the Christmas shopping, food shopping (online), call electrician, pest man to get rid of nesting field mice that stomp around with clogs on at 3am, get chimney sweep booked, boiler serviced, bills paid, guest bed changed, pressies wrapped and hidden, dogs fed/walked, hamster cleaned out, fire wood in, guttering sorted (it's leaking), engineer out to check why a massive crack has appeared in side of house, project 2 re drawn, and something to eat..... all before 9pm at precisely the time I pass out. All while darling husband is out winning (hopefully, or he'll be in bad mood) Broker of the Year award. Fingers crossed. I know you'll do it honey.

The equipment!

Is it really sad to get excited about your new drawing board? I am still trying to figure that one out.

I used to get very excited about cars, engines, new suspension, the perfect corner apex, a tenth of a second off my time....What has happen to me? A very lovely new shiny counter-weight drawing board - that's what!

This week has been a whistle stop tour of the history of gardens from the Stone Age to Modernist movement. 4 hours in total. I hate to admit it but I learnt more in that time than years of snoozing through history at school.

I have rediscovered my love for drawing and smelling of graphite. I come home happy and grubby. I just hope that this enthusiasm gets channelled into my homework. This weeks tasks are to figure out time management and make it work, create a drawing of a courtyard garden and start a history timeline covering 3 centuries. Oh, and come up with some inspirational title for an essay on 20th century gardens.

Task 1 - Not too hard I think....I do manage kids, dogs, house and school, plan holidays and keep everything running smoothly.

Task 2 - No problem - just need to make sure it's recognisable and accepted by the masterGD himself.

Task 3 - Cutting and pasting....fingers crossed.

Task 4 - Now that is where things start to unravel. Having blagged my way through most of school and successfully got A in French (only spoke it for 3 years) and rather more unsuccessfully got D's in English having spoken it for ever........Here lies the problem. How the hell do you "construct an essay"? Let alone reference it. Back to the proverbial Drawing Board!

Confident? Nope, blissfully ignorant at the moment.

I shall sit here admiring my fantastic new shiny board and ponder..........wasting my carefully managed time.

Baby Steps

Well this week has been the start of a great new adventure for me. Juggling children and endless 60th birthday celebrations and starting a fantastic new career. I never thought I would actually find a path that suits me in every way. But Garden and Landscape design it is.

We all met up this week in Oxford Brookes and embarked on an intensive year long post-grad course. We will be the best of the best, elite, top gun designers by the end. Watch out.

The thing I have loved most so far is the fact I am cutting, gluing and sticking squares. I should rope in the girls to help. They might be my inspiration as I really think children have an unadulterated view on life and simple is the key to great design.

Now all there is to do this week is finish my Ben Nicholson inspired art and attend yet another 60th bash at the gherkin, do the corporate wife thing again, and then knuckle down to some work. My head is ready for a challenge and for once my heart is following suit. All I have to do is figure out how to do it!